i haven’t written anything in a while, even after i made a decision to make more of an effort. actually, i just noticed that i said the same thing on my previous post. in my defense, the last few weeks have been pretty chaotic & intense. i was actually going to make a longer entry, but i haven’t been able to find the right words & nothing really seems right. i think i’m still trying to get a grasp of everything that has happened.

i cleared a huge obstacle in my life last week. many aspects of my life were on hold while i worked on this obstacle and now that it is done, i’m trying to figure out what’s next.

next. i had all but given up on “next”. i’ve been so focused on this obstacle that i think i conditioned my mind to put up barriers to anything after. the obstacle took a lot of my time and energy. i put a lot of things on hold, and have slowly started to work things back in. photography, reading, writing (no arithmetic).

next. what is next? one of the things i put on hold was dating. maybe it’s time? i haven’t exactly had the best luck in that department. there is lucky, there is unlucky, and there is me. but as unlucky as i have been, i miss…maybe not dating, but the potential. i miss sharing things with someone. i have my friends, of course, who i share a lot of things with. but when you are with someone, things are just shared differently. there is significance in that sharing that is more meaningful. it starts with the little things, the “this activity is so much better when you share it someone.” my friends have gotten to the sharing of their lives together, to sharing the experience of pregnancy and, soon, to sharing the birth and raising of their child. but even without the huge life events, the sharing isn’t any less significant. how do you know that your next first kiss won’t be your last first kiss? how do you know that you won’t be discussing the seemingly insignificant event that made you laugh with your grandkids some day?

it all seems very deep for a guy sitting on the couch in his scooby-doo boxers and an underdog t-shirt.

This entry was posted on Monday, October 2nd, 2006 at 10:03 pm and is filed under life. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.